The Secret Is In The Recipe
Like all recipes whether it is for a pound cake or lasagna there are basic ingredients. Many of us might elect to add our own twist making them more suitable to our palate. However there are some ingredients if removed simply don’t add up to the ideal dish.
You would be hard pressed to make a great pound cake without flour or lasagna without pasta. Those are among the basic ingredients required to make those dishes.
Syntax Matters...
It’s not enough to know the ingredients of a recipe. It’s just as important to know the syntax or (order of things). When you mix ingredients in a different order you get a slightly different result. If you leave one ingredient out or add a different one you also get something else. There is always more than one way to make an entrée. Both KFC and Popeye’s serve fried chicken with completely different recipes. Naturally they both start off with chicken and flour but the spices used vary tremendously.
I believe the foundation of any happy marriage or relationship for that matter is built upon the following 6 building blocks/ingredients. These blocks could also be thought of as chain links with each coming into existence and getting stronger because of the previous one.
1. HONESTY leads to TRUST
2. TRUST leads to LOYALTY
3. LOYALTY leads to LOVE & DEVOTION
4. LOVE & DEVOTION leads to INTIMACY
5. INTIMACY leads to EMOTIONAL SECURITY
6. EMOTIONAL SECURITY leads to REAL HAPPINESS
REAL HAPPINESS is what makes life worth living!!!
Every relationship I have been in which failed I can point to at least one or more of these ingredients that were missing. Honesty is the most important building block of them all.
HONESTY
No relationship can last for long without a large measure of honesty. A relationship without honesty is equivalent to building a house on sand or without a foundation. It's not going to last. The truth will eventually come out or the liar becomes bored with making a fool out of their mate and decides to move on. Everyone is quick to say communication is the key to a happy relationship. It should be said "honest communication" is a key to a happy relationship.
TRUST
The next link in the relationship chain is trust. You can’t build trust without honesty being firmly established. Trust is based upon your mate demonstrating honesty and integrity. Trust is very similar to respect in that it should be earned overtime. It’s not something to be given away lightly. I’ve heard several people say, “I’ll trust anyone until they prove me wrong.”
This way of thinking is a dream come true for any conman!
LOYALTY
“Through thick and through thin, come hell or high water, I’ve got your back!” Simply hearing those words from a loved one can lift your spirits no matter what obstacles in life you may be facing. Knowing you have some place to land should you fall is a safety net you can’t put a price on. Loyalty evokes other words such as commitment, faithful, and trustworthy.
The exchange of wedding vows is nothing more than promising to be loyal (in sickness and good health, until death do you part…etc) in front of witnesses.
There is no loyalty without honesty and trust.
LOVE & DEVOTION
Honesty, Trust, and Loyalty are definitely the foundation of your relationship. It is now time to take the must courageous step of all, completely open your heart offering your mate all the love and devotion they can handle. Putting your heart and soul into anything is always scary and this is especially true when it comes to relationships. No matter how much you prepare there is always a risk of failure, disappointment, and heartbreak. The previous links in the chain are in a particular syntax as to minimize the heartache risk. Putting the cart before the horse can lead to learning a painful lesson.
INTIMACY
Intimacy means different things to different people but essentially its feeling emotionally connected. It’s about sharing your life with someone including your fears, hopes, and dreams in ways you don’t share with most people you know. Intimacy is also about being physically connected. Although sex and its frequency are extremely important in this regard it is also very important to be physically connected outside of the bedroom throughout the day. There is no need to be stingy with hugs, kisses, holding hands, snuggling or taking showers together from time to time in order to stay physically and emotionally connected.
EMOTIONAL SECURITY
When one thinks of the word security it means your needs are being met regardless of circumstances. It’s very similar to having auto insurance, homeowner insurance, and health insurance in the event something dire occurs. You are fully aware assistance is available to help you recover. An emotionally secure person has a support system as well as a positive outlook on life. They are able to make adjustments and keep rolling when they are thrown off track. In order to obtain emotional security it’s important to maintain a well balanced life. This would entail having family, friends, and co-workers you can lean on for support during rough times. Your spouse, mate, or partner in life should be an integral part of your support team. This is the person lying next to you each night and waking up with you each morning. They have made a commitment to walk with you side by side through life’s ups and downs. There is no person closer physically or as emotionally connected to you as your mate.
Being in an emotionally secure relationship means you feel “safe” to open up about anything without being judged or criticized for how you may be feeling. It’s impossible to have emotional security in a relationship without having the previous chain links covered earlier in this chapter. (Honesty, Trust, Loyalty, Love & Devotion and Intimacy)
Well that’s my basic recipe for relationship happiness. Feel free to spice it up and add whatever suits your taste.
Bon Appétit!
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