Sunday, August 16, 2009

The Sex Detective Is In!

You can glean a ton about a guy's libido and reproductive health just by eyeballing him. Harry Fisch, MD, author of Size Matters, reveals how to read the clues.

A guy may talk a big game and wear jeans that are tighter than Adam Levine's, but that doesn't mean he has what it takes to keep up with you in the sack...or get you knocked up when you're ready. The real signs of a highly sexual male are a lot more subtle and surprising. According to urologist Harry Fisch, the following six traits and behaviors indicate that a man is truly made for action.

He's Trim Around the Middle

You've no doubt heard that a dude with a gut is more likely to keel over from a heart attack later in life, but it's also a bad sign in the sexual realm. Testosterone is broken down more quickly in belly fat. So that big stomach? It's literally sucking him dry of the stuff.

"Testosterone is the gas that drives the car," Dr. Fisch says. "If it's low, he's going to be low on gas. He'll be tired, he's not going to be able to exercise very much, he's less likely to be in the mood, and his fertility will be lower because a guy needs a certain level of testosterone to produce sperm."

Waist size is especially a concern if your guy is over 30, when metabolism slows and testosterone levels decrease by about 1 percent each year.

He's Got Guns

If a great sex life is high on your list of priorities, find a guy who's trim and jacked. "Someone who regularly works out and lifts weights is likely to have a higher libido," says Dr. Fisch. That's because the body needs testosterone to build muscle mass, so if he has Mario Lopez-like biceps, he usually has more of the hormone. You can't say the same for men who are "skinny fat" — you know, the tall, thin guy who has a body like a noodle. "If he's too scrawny, he's not going to have a lot of testosterone or a strong sex drive," Dr. Fisch says. "Unfortunately, working out can only boost a guy's testosterone levels to a point, and some men will never build big muscles because they don't have high enough levels."

He Parties Smart

Smoking and heavy drinking have the same effect on a guy's mojo as a Rosie O'Donnell striptease. "Smoking constricts blood vessels, which means there's less blood flowing to his penis," Dr. Fisch says. This may cause him to have problems getting — and maintaining — an erection. Downing more than three drinks also can leave him limp because alcohol is a central-nervous-system depressant, which once again, limits blood flow to his penis. So a guy who knocks back lots of cocktails? He's probably not going to be the life of the party in bed.

His Testicles Are in Top Shape

You can learn even more about a guy's long-term sexual potential once his pants are off. First, check out his testicles: Each should be the size of a walnut, says Dr. Fisch, and they should be nearly equal, though small differences are normal. If one is considerably smaller — say, the size of a cherry — then that's a fertility red flag. Around 95 percent of a testicle is made up of sperm-producing cells, and 5 percent is made up of testosterone-producing cells. A smaller testicle makes for a smaller sperm factory.

While you're feeling around down there, note how heated his boys get. "If his testicles run hot, it could be due to a group of pronounced veins in the scrotum, called a varicocele," says Dr. Fisch. "These veins are filled with warm blood, and the extra heat reduces sperm count." A varicocele can be flat or raised and can look similar to a group of varicose veins in the legs. To find out for sure if he has one, cup his balls and firmly — but gently — run your thumb along the scrotal skin, being careful to check for raised portions or lumps (which may feel like coiled string).

He Has Stellar Semen

You can glean a lot from the volume, clarity, and taste of a man's semen. A guy's ejaculate should be about half a teaspoon. If he's producing less, it could mean he's been ejaculating a lot from sex or masturbation or that he has an infection or blockage of the ejaculatory ducts, Dr. Fisch says.

Semen is mostly fluid, but about 1 percent of it is sperm, which is what gives it a cloudy appearance. If you notice a man's ejaculate has a watery consistency instead of a creamy one, he likely has a low sperm count and he may have difficulty fathering kids. As for taste, "a guy's semen is a mixture of fluid that contains sugar — fructose — from the seminal vesicles and a salty taste from the prostate," Dr. Fisch says. If a man is having sex or masturbating frequently, as in every day or several times a day, he's going to deplete the fructose-containing fluid, so his semen will taste saltier. If he hasn't ejaculated in a while, it's going to be sweeter.

He Takes Just Long Enough

You don't need a PhD to know that a guy who comes too fast can put a damper on your sex life (anything less than 2 minutes is considered premature ejaculation). But a man who takes forever to peak despite being hard also may be cause for concern. For one, he may be giving himself a hand too often. "Some men masturbate so much that they know their trigger points and it becomes more difficult for them to come inside a woman," Dr. Fisch says. It could also indicate that he's on an antidepressant or anti-anxiety medication, which can cause prolonged ejaculation.

Biggest Guy Sex Myths

We felt compelled to clear up some misconceptions.

Despite common belief, the size of a man's hands and feet has nothing to do with the size of his penis.

If a guy is big all around — say, he's a 6-foot-4 football player — that doesn't mean he's going to have a humdinger of a hummer. And a small guy could be very well hung.

A veiny penis does not indicate that a guy has a problem. In fact, it's totally normal.
Hairiness has zero correlation with virility. Men with hairy chests are genetically predisposed to it — it has nothing to do with testosterone. Similarly, if a guy is balding, it's not a sign that his libido will be lacking. In some cases, it actually may suggest that he has more testosterone.

Not every man masturbates regularly. About 5 percent of the male population doesn't do it.

First-Time-Sex Bloopers

Remember that steamy-yet-romantic scene in Titanic when Rose and Jack get it on in the backseat of a car? These first-time stories are nothing like that.

All Pain and No Gain

"My first time was definitely awkward. The guy I was with kept saying stuff like 'How's that for you, you dirty girl?' and 'Tell me how much you want me.' He also dragged me into about 30 different positions. I felt like I was doing Pilates! When we were finished, I went to hug him but accidentally swung my hand out too fast and ended up whacking him really hard on the penis. I was embarrassed, and he was in pain. At least I can laugh about it now." —Emily, 21

Overly Gushy Guy

"My boyfriend and I finally decided to do it after having multiple talks about making sure the first time would be special. Afterward, I mused 'I can't believe I'm not a virgin anymore,' and he freaked out! Turns out, he thought we had been talking about having our first time together. He kept asking 'Did I hurt you?' and 'Are you okay?' which got to be way too much after a while. He ended up being the emotional one, not me!" —Jessi, 24

The Devil Made Me Do It

"I was raised by a very strict father, who doesn't believe in premarital sex. Being the rebellious teenager that I was, I ended up losing my virginity with a guy friend...during a church picnic. We did it on the gross floor of the girls' bathroom while everyone was in the gymnasium for a service. And believe me, it wasn't a celestial experience." —Halle, 32

He's Not So Handy

"My first boyfriend and I were both virgins. He was trying to use his finger down there and accidentally stuck it in the wrong hole. It lasted all of two seconds, but I lost it. I died laughing, and he was completely mortified. In fact, just remembering it right now has me cracking up." —Ashley, 25

Oh, We Started?

"I held out until after college to lose my virginity, and it was definitely not the orgasmic event I was hoping for. My less-than-endowed boyfriend and I decided we'd do the deed one night, and during a heavy petting session, I told him I was ready. His response? 'I'm already in you.' Oops!" —Chelsea, 27

One Hell of a Mating Call

"When my guy and I decided to get intimate, we had roses, candles — the works. He didn't utter a peep during the act, and I thought maybe he wasn't into it. Finally, he let out this crazy noise that sounded like 'gaaah-guh-guh-guh!' It was his orgasm! I laughed so hard, I couldn't finish." —Tracy, 19

5 Annoying Things Guys Do on Facebook

Recently, our buddies over at listed the Crazy Things Women Do on Facebook. They made some valid points — okay, okay, we can be a little passive-aggressive with our status updates — but some men are guilty of bad FB behavior too. Here, five habits that leave us frowning at the computer screen.

1. They Hide Their Relationship Status
The beauty of Facebook is that we can instantly find out if a guy is available or off-limits. No 30-minute talk in a bar, trying to suss out if he has a girlfriend waiting for him at home. But if that info is kept a secret, we’re forced to look through and analyze his photos and wall posts to figure it out — which makes us feel like stalkers. Guys: If you’re single, do us both a favor and make that info public knowledge. And if you’re part of a twosome, own up to it. Especially when we’re one of the two.

2. They Block Their Photos
We can understand a guy wanting to keep certain people from viewing his pictures. But seeing as how we’re not his mom, boss, or pastor, it bugs us when we can’t see a dude’s photos. Here’s the thing: We always imagine the worst. So when we’re kept in the dark and can’t click through a guy’s albums, we imagine he’s blowing lines, hooking up with two girls at once, or running around naked at a party. Unfair, but true. He’s not saving his reputation by blocking his photos. In fact, not being able to click on them makes us think a little less of him.

3. They Ask Us Front of All Our Friends
Next time a guy gets tempted to leave us a wall post that reads, “Let me know if you want to hang out sometime,” he should imagine standing up in front of a room full of our family, friends, ex-boyfriends, and coworkers and then asking us out. Because that’s essentially what he’s doing. We don’t want all 889 of our friends to be a part of the courting. Oh and P.S., we’d appreciate a little more effort. You know, maybe an old-fashioned e-mail or text like we see in those historic romantic comedies.

4. They Detag Themselves in Our Photos
This is the online equivalent of a guy pretending he’s just asking for directions when his friends catch him talking to us. There is something strangely offensive about scrolling through your recently uploaded albums and discovering that a guy you tagged has detagged himself. If a photo of the BBQ he ate last Saturday is profile-worthy, we can’t help but wonder why the nice shots with us get shunned.

5. They Let Their Douchebaginess Show
What is it about Facebook that makes even cool, down-to-earth guys post quotes like “It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog,” write status updates that read, “Matt is giving out free mammograms,” and upload shirtless photos of themselves with wannabe-model gazes that they obviously took in the bathroom mirror? Maybe they think it's funny or impressive, but the behavior only makes us roll our eyes and want to start a Website or Facebook group called “Hot Chicks Without Douchebags.”

Friday, August 14, 2009

Do Single Women Really Prefer Attached Men?

According to a recent study, women seem to prefer guys who are attached. When researchers showed a picture to female participants, 59% said they would go after him after they heard he was single. But, when the same photo was shown to a different group with the explanation he was attached, 90% of the women would go for him.

To me, that seems shocking. I’ve never gone after anyone who’s attached. In fact, when I hear a guy is dating or married, I feel like my attraction towards him tones down a little. I’m much more interested in pursuing someone who’s single. But, obviously, I’m in a lonely 10%.

Which makes me so much more nervous about other women now! I’ve never been the jealous type, and I’ve always dated guys who have a wide circle of male and female friends. I don’t have a problem with a boyfriend hanging out with a girl who’s his friend—and I’ve never understood when my female friends get nervous when their guy friends suddenly reconnect to old flames on Facebook, when they grab an afterwork drink with a coed group of colleagues, when they find themselves hanging out with a group of bachelorette party girls on a boy’s night out. But now, I wonder—should I be paranoid? What do you think?