Sunday, November 22, 2009

Friends indeed?

If you are single and want to find love you should stop listening to your friends. I know your girls are lovely and wise and when talking about the latest goss over a cup of coffee it feels like they totally understand you and want the best for you. But before you blindly take their advice, hang on a sec…

First of all, your friends want to stay friends with you, so they will not be absolutely honest. They will probably flatter you, make you feel a million bucks and always think you are right. This is a good sign, it means that they truly love you and stand by your side. But when it comes to love advice it’s not always positive to listen to your fan club.

A guy came to me for coaching frustrated by the fact that he’d been single for years, while his mates just said “You are such a great catch”. But if that was the case, where were all those girls who should want him badly? Why was he still single if there was nothing wrong with him?

The truth is that if a person has been single, and longing for love for a while, there is probably something wrong, and that person is better off being told than kept in silence. Your friends will not be the whistle blowers. Why not? Well, because the truth hurts sometimes. Imagine if your best friend told you that you gave the wrong vibe, that you came off desperate to men. That’s not a nice thing to hear, right? You would be insulted. So no, our friends will never really tell us what we need to hear.

The guy I coached needed to see his value beyond being “a good guy”. Calling on time and taking ladies for fancy dinners is not enough; he needed to bring out substance as well. He thought he could buy love, but a little self-esteem and edginess made him much more interesting and attractive. When he saw that, he changed easily.

What about you? If you accept the fact that you don’t have what you want because you might be doing something wrong, you open up a door to a better future. What three things can you do differently and make your life a better place?

Stop listening to your friends and face facts. Mates telling you “he’s an idiot, you should be happy he broke up with you” does not help. What if he wasn’t an idiot, what if you were the one stalking him, acting insecure or partying too much? It’s hard to accept, but just ask yourself the question and start changing. Compare with training with a girl friend or a personal trainer; a bossy muscle bloke will give you a harder time but also a fitter body, right? It’s worth it. You are worth it.

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