30 Signs You're Dating A Jerk

We've already armed you with a checklist of traits that might indicate that your boyfriend is a loser or majorly annoying, but what about that oh-so-common creature, The Egomaniac? Here are 30 signs you might be dating the ultimate narcissist in disguise.

1. He can't take an innocent joke at his expense.


2. He works in advertising, has an M.D., or is the lead singer and/or most good-looking member of a band.


3. He tells you about the assorted girls who hit on him. Or worse, the ones who looked at him and thus OBVIOUSLY wanted to hit on him.


4. He gives you a verbal resume on a first date. Even if it sounds impressive, run.


5. He begins 75 percent of sentences with I.


6. He gets irritable when you IM while he's busy at work, but doesn't think twice about bugging your ass all day long when things are "slow" for him.


7. He tells you about the extreme minutiae of his day as if it’s fascinating.


8. He complains about how uncomfortable he is because it’s hot/cold/crowded, when clearly everyone in the situation is uncomfortable.


9. He's an advocate of unprotected sex because his penis is "too big" for condoms and/or he knows how to pull out with 100 percent accuracy.


10. He likes to talk about how successful he intends to be in the future, insisting that money won't be an issue despite the fact that he has four roommates and no career to speak of.


11. He has a verbal tick which requires him to preface everything with "I feel like ..."


12. He zones out when you're talking to him because he can't be bothered to focus on anything outside himself for more than 30 seconds at a time.


13. He couches every apology for wrongdoing in a subtle justification or excuse for his behavior. Ex: "I'm sorry I walked out on you in the middle of that movie the other night. I was really frustrated and upset. I just couldn't sit through it."


14. He fixates on how he's perceived by your friends and family, whether they like him, what they say about him, what they think of him.


15. He obsesses over decisions related to his appearance, like how many centimeters to take off at his next haircut.


16. He makes someone else record his voicemail message, so it seems he's more important than he is.


17. He's obsessed with making his XBox avatar look exactly like him.


18. He updates his Facebook status more than once a day.


19. He refers to everyone as "lil' b---- ."


20. He refers to himself in the third person.


21. He really doesn't think waiting for a table at a restaurant is something someone like him should have to do.


22. He really wants to be famous. For something. He's just not sure what. But something.


23. He brags about how much money he makes, or even worse, will make someday if he stays on his career track.


24. He's determined to please you in bed, but mainly because he doesn't want to ruin his record of "always making a girl come."


25. If you make suggestions about how he could be better in bed, he twists around the problem to be your fault — you're too uptight, not relaxed enough; you must not like sex; you must have intimacy issues, etc.


26. He is concerned about how your funky outfit/makeup/etc. will reflect on him in front of his more conservative friends or parents.


27. He fishes for info on how much money your ex boyfriends made.


28. He talks about himself in superlatives, like "I'm the smartest guy you'll ever date" or "My boss says I'm the best employee he's ever had in his whole life."


29. He asks you, point blank, if he's the best you've ever slept with.


30. He's too busy to help you move but still wants you to come watch his poetry slam.

Perfect Date Tips For Amazing Sex and Healing

The shared pleasure of a sumptuous meal is a lovely way to unite two loving souls. But if you also want to unite sexually, eat early and take two hours to digest before making love.

1.) Try an early dinner and make your date a dessert date. A light dessert (as opposed to something large and sinfully rich) is a fun way to share something sensuous.

2.) Or, make love before dinner. Instead of using the intimacy of a meal to bring you together, why not work up an appetite with a delicious intimate encounter?

3.) If you drink alcohol on your date, keep it moderate. Alcohol can be a sexual asset if one of you is nervous or shy, but drinking can also inhibit sexual function by sedating your nervous system.

4.) Be careful about your after-dinner coffee. If you need caffeine to jump start lovemaking, don’t drink so much that you won’t be able to sleep afterward.

5.) The room you make love in should be cozy and warm. If your feet are chilled, it may take more genital stimulation to warm them up.

Types of Breakups Ranked by Recovery Time

Which element of a breakup dictates recovery time more: the type of breakup, or the person you broke up with? My theory is the type of breakup you experience determines how long it takes to get over it more than the actual person.

Here are 7 different types of breakups ranked by shortest recovery time to longest recovery time:

7. The Mutual Breakup

This is as peaceful a breakup as you can have, like when the entire family agrees it's time to pull the plug on grandpa's respirator: he is freed of his misery, and the family feels a sense of relief. I've never had a mutual breakup. I can't catch that lightning in a bottle. But it can't be that tough to recover from a mutual breakup and get back out in the dating scene again.

6. The Circumstantial Breakup

A cousin of the mutual breakup, the circumstantial breakup occurs when the environment around you won't permit the relationship to continue: my parents hate you, you're in Cali and I'm in NY (or even, you're one town over), I need to be single for a while, etc. Recovery time is shortened because the other person offers an excuse that takes the focus off your weaknesses or unattractive qualities that could have caused a breakup.

5. The Ultimatum Breakup

The most common ultimatum leading to a breakup is: "ask me to marry you within the next year of I'm out of here." Other conflicts could cause ultimatums as well: change your religion, get rid of that stupid old car, etc. Ultimatum breakups can be tough to get over because it's annoying that a little compromise could have prevented it. But once it's over, that pressure from the stalemate you reached in the relationship is gone, so it's quite a relief.

4. The Something Someone Said Breakup

My friend broke up with his girlfriend he was dating for years, and he mentioned a conversation that occurred shortly before they broke up. They were discussing wedding rings, and she asked how much he'd spend. He simply hasn't studied the "market" so he threw a number out there: "I don't know, $5,000." She scoffed and said: "You should spend no less than $20,000."

He told me after she said that, he couldn't think of her the same way anymore. In fact, it put a figurative "X" over her image in his eyes. They eventually broke up, and this conversation was the springboard. This type of breakup is painful because you wish you could take something you said or did back.

3. The I've Been Cheating

Whether you find out from them or some other way, it's the ultimate betrayal when they are cheating on you. You can get over it because you dismiss this person as a cheating jerk, but you still feel stupid and you might spend several months envisioning the cheating or trying to regain faith in the opposite gender.

2. The First Love Breakup

The First Love breakup is one of the toughest to overcome. Some say you never get over it. This breakup teaches us that the world is a bigger place than we thought. There are more people to meet, there are bills to pay, there are places to go. Things just can't stay the same as they once were.

Mine hit me when I got to college and my girlfirend stayed behind in high school. Eventually, we had to move on. The first love breakup is hurts so much because you've never experienced this feeling of loss and disappointment before. And, it's part of growing up and growing up is usually a painful process.

1. The Blind Side

My friend recently blind sided his ex. After she cried for an hour, he decided he had put in enough time and he left. This is traumatic because it comes out of nowhere. The blind sider may have been thinking about it for months, and they conceal their intentions, then drop the bomb while everything seems to be going well. In fact, the couple may have spent time together the night before, but the blind sider did so out of obligation.

Blind Sides chip away at your ability to trust. If someone can break up with you when things seem to be going so well, you'll have a tough time avoiding paranoia and trusting your new partners.

Ways To Keep Her Attention

For thousands of years, men have had to go out and find their lovers -- actually, way back before we became evolved men, we just went out, bopped them on the head and took them home. We have recently received a lot of e-mail from men who proclaim: "Why should we go after them?" Fair enough. So you want her to come to you? Ask and you shall receive. Here are the top 10 ways to make her approach you.

No.1 - Manage her expectations
Making her come to you is the easy part; keeping her is the real challenge. When you meet your dream woman, be honest with yourself and her: Do not portray yourself in a different light. Call it like it is and you will avoid headaches and misery down the road. Most importantly, she will see that you are being genuine, sincere and honest, and she will, therefore, want you by her side forever.

No.2 - Do not prejudge her
This is key, even before you get to the dating stage. Men (and women) are bad in one way: We meet a young woman we like and we attribute her with the qualities and traits of our dream woman. Then we wonder why we cannot do squat at work as we daydream of her.

Then when push comes to shove, we realize that she is a fraction of our image of her and that she is, in fact, nothing like what we believed her to be. This said, you should have absolutely no expectations of her character and she will not disappoint; she may even want you to get to know her better, at which point you can send us a thank-you note.

No.3 - Give her space
You may like her and want her to like you, but unless you give her space and do not crowd her, she will never be interested. You know the expression about absence making the heart grow fonder? Well, it's true. So let her wonder where you are, whom you're with and where you're going, and she will hope to cross paths with you more often than you think.

No.4 - Make her the center of your universe
OK, before the Men's Liberation movement gets upset, allow us to simply add this: Make your woman think that all you like her for is the BLT (no, we do not mean bacon, lettuce and tomatoes), and she will not care to keep you around for long. But please her mind by showing an interest (a genuine one) in her family, friends, work, interests, hobbies, and dreams, and she will fall for you. Make sure you let her answer you instead of shooting off a session of 20 questions.

No.5 - Smile
It's very important to smile and present yourself in a positive manner. More importantly, make her laugh, make her friends crack up and, if you can, make her parents smile. That way, you'll be laughing to the altar (well, more like crying). Ask 9 out of 10 women, and they will tell you the importance of a sense of humor, so leave the tortured look at home and crack a smile.

No.6 - Be the best you can be
No, do not join the army, even though women like men in uniform. Rather, make sure you smell good, have fresh breath, are well-groomed, and look your best. Yes, some women do not care about looks, especially when your bank account swells to the seven-digits. However, the same way that men demand their women be good-looking, women demand and deserve the same. You have been warned.

No.7 - Play hard to get
This one is an extension of the "do not make the first move" advice. The difference is simple: Even if she knows you are interested, do not throw yourself at her disposal. If she knows that you would walk over water and swallow fire to be with her, then she will rain on your parade and pitch a lit match on your dreams, so let her know that you have places to go and people to see.

No.8 - Do not make the first move

We usually think that in some situations, being straightforward is the only way to go, but you know what? Relationships are, for the most part, about games. And whether you wish to admit or deny it, you must agree that the second you find out someone is interested, your level of interest craters. It's almost like having already added another notch to your belt. Except, of course, if this involves the one person that you feel you were destined to meet, in which case you just keep on smiling.

So, show some interest -- this is the bait after all -- but keep your cards to your chest instead of slamming your two-of-a-kind on the table. Who knows? You may end up with a full house if you're patient.

No.9 - Keep her guessing
Women like mystery. Now, I'm not implying that you should lie to them, nor am I saying that you should play games, but you should leave something hidden. Put your life story in a press release and send it to her, and we guarantee that you will be flying solo for a while.

Feed her a bit, but keep her curiosity growing and her interest in you will do the same. If a woman thinks she has you figured out, she will get bored; however, if she wishes to determine what else lies between your two extremes (this last word of wisdom comes from a special young woman, so take her word for it), she will look forward to seeing you again and again.

No.10 - Do not be too friendly
So many men ask why their female friends choose to remain only friends. Well, if you discuss topics that friends discuss, then she will classify you as a friend. Yes, relationships should blossom into full-fledged partnerships, but this is not so at the beginning. And if this isn't enough, she will tell you sordid stories about all of the other men she likes and is pursuing. Act chummy and that is what you become -- a chum.

Top 10: Valentine's Gift Ideas For Her

Yes, it's that time of year again and the pressure is on to find your lady that special gift that will make her eyes light up in that unmistakable way. Don't fret; with this gift guide you're sure to find a winner.

No.10 - Jewelry
Diamonds may be a girl's best friend, but other valuable gems and metals come pretty damn close for the wallet-conscious romantic. Sleek rings and bracelets with precious stones will surely please your lady and complement the sparkle in her eye (can we get an "aw"?). There are great selections out there, some even offering unisex designs so that you can get matching pieces. Go the extra mile: Present it to her in a jewelry box.

No.9 - Lingerie
Sexy intimate wear is always a good choice that never gets old. It's a perfect way to add some spice to your sex life, as lingerie is clearly meant to be taken off. Make sure you find her size in a style you know she'll love.Go the extra mile: Have it delivered to her house, with a note instructing that she wear it on your Valentine's date.

No.8 - Weekend getaway
While bed and breakfasts will remain a female favorite (it's just some stranger's house to us guys), a carefully chosen one can prove to be an enjoyable getaway for the two of you. Out in the country away from the bustle of the city, but not lacking in comfort, it's one of the best ways to spend some intimate time together. Go the extra mile: Visit a spa where you can both get the full-body treatment on the way to the B&B.

No.7 - Body care basket
Women never seem to have enough beauty products, so feed her vanity a little and get her a set of every lotion, toner, soap, and bath salt she can use. You'll thank us later when her skin is all soft and sweet for you.Go the extra mile: Include her favorite perfume in the basket and give her a rubdown with the body cream.

No.6 - Purse
Another fashion accessory that's very popular with the female persuasion, most women can always use another purse to match their shoes, belt, coat, etc. Go the extra mile: Initialize the purse and/or stuff it with little gifts like a wallet, or a scarf with a pair of gloves.

No.5 - Sex toys
Make it a great night for the two of you by hitting the local sex shop. Sex toy manufacturers are getting more creative each year, and there's no end to the variety of bedroom accessories you can find, from board games and body paint to flavored massage oils.Go the extra mile: Get something you can enjoy together -- again and again.

No.4 - A special date
There's no going wrong here. Take your woman out on a romantic date. It can be lunch, brunch or dinner, depending on what day Valentine's falls on. Or you can recreate your first date and relive the thrill of the honeymoon phase. Spare no expense here. Go the extra mile: Send her an invitation via snail mail and tell her to wear the dress you bought her for the occasion.

No.3 - Flowers
These are classics that work like magic if you put a little extra effort into the deed (read: don't get her a single rose wrapped in gift paper). Talk to your florist about an intricate arrangement: each flower signifies something else, like romance, loyalty or purity, so pick the ones that match your woman most. Go the extra mile: Give her the flowers in a vase.

No.2 - Chocolate
Show her how much you care by giving her the closest thing to sex (at least that's what women claim). If you came here in search of the perfect gift, she likely deserves it. Go the extra mile: Get a custom selection of her favorite flavors and fillings, and feed them to her while you share champagne and strawberries.

No.1 - Picture & frame
Here's a good way to immortalize your love: give her a portrait of the happy couple in a high-quality cube frame. You can blow up that great set of pictures of the two of you or hire a professional photographer to do the job. Go the extra mile: Make one for yourself also, so that you both have the same pictures and frame.

How the Holidays Affect Relationships

In 2003, Jessica Comeau’s older brother was 32, and that year for Christmas, his girlfriend gave him an ultimatum: Get down on one knee by the time Santa had done his rounds or it was over between them.

After all, they’d been dating for seven years.

Comeau says she and her brother drank their weight at a local bar, and by the time they got home, he seemed morose. In an effort to distract him, she put on a funny movie and fell asleep on the loveseat.

By the end of Christmas day, with the whole family gathered, he’d failed to make his deadline.

But all ended well: Within a year, his ex announced her engagement to someone else. Her brother too eventually got married—to a woman he proposed to after four months.

Comeau’s story, however, illustrates a larger point: For anyone in a long-term relationship, the holidays aren’t just fun and games—they’re a make-or-break month or two.

Call it the holy trinity—you have all your friends and family in one place, time off from work to actually reflect on your life, and that ever-present holiday spirit, urging you to surround yourself with your nearest and dearest. Suddenly any ugly are-we-or-aren’t-we, should-we-or-shouldn’t-we relationship ambiguity looms larger than the balloons in the Thanksgiving Day parade.

Some couples crack under the pressure and call it quits. But at least an equal number, surrounded by loved ones and sleighfuls of good tidings, decide to make it official.

In fact, depending on whom you talk to, December vies with February for the month of the year when the most diamond rings bedazzle new hands.

According to a spokesperson from Bing.com, the new Microsoft-powered search engine saw searches for terms like “diamond” and “engagement ring” spike by nearly 340 percent during late October and early November.

“Thanksgiving to New Year’s is our best time for business,” says Lita Asscher, president of Royal Asscher North America, the company that created the popular Asscher-cut diamond. “Percentage-wise, the last three months account for 50 percent of engagement rings we sell each year.”

“It’s hard for men to know exactly when to propose, and many want to do it around family,” concurs Yehouda Saketkhou, chief designer for Yael Designs, a jewelry house in San Francisco. “Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s are the busiest occasions for sales.”

Many women too are aware that it’s a prime season for more than mistletoe: "Women are romantics by nature. When they’re in a relationship that’s going well, most are hoping for that ‘unexpected’ ring to appear in their stocking or in front of a fire,” says Svetlana Novikova, a matchmaker in New York City.

Some who don't get one are let down, she says. Others decide that the relationship isn't going anywhere and call it quits—while promising themselves they’ll find true love in the New Year.

That’s just what happened to Stacy Shwed, 35, a psychologist on Long Island.

How texting, sexting, and the digital age are changing monogamy and the face of modern-day marriage

When Tiger Woods’ many indiscretions were discovered, his wife allegedly turned his golf clubs against him, bought a Swedish mansion in her own name—and, perhaps most tellingly, threw out his phone.

As other woman after other woman comes forward, spilling the gory details of her time with Tiger, it seems more and more likely that a telltale text message may be what, in the end, did the big cad in.

Unfortunately, if that’s the case, Elin Nordegren won’t be the first—or the last—spouse to discover her significant other’s dalliances the new-fangled way.

“An intercepted text is the 2010 version of lipstick on the collar,” says Jonathan Alpert, a New York City psychologist, who’s recently seen a spike in clients wrestling with the aftermath of technologically fueled affairs. And the behavior is rampant on both coasts: “More frequently than ever, this is the way people are finding out that their partners are cheating—whether it’s cheating with sex involved or an emotional affair,” says Yvonne Thomas, PhD, an L.A. psychologist.

In fact, e-mail and texting—and now “sexting”—have leveled the playing field, making straying easier in the first place, whether you’re a professional athlete or the average American.

There are even websites, like ashleymadison.com, designed to make a “more efficient” way for married couples to stray, says founder Noel Biderman, who built the site in 2001 after reading a statistic indicating that 35 percent of users on dating websites were actually married and looking.

In fact, most of today’s indiscretions start virtually—a volley of desire lobbed back and forth at the speed of light, gaining intensity as it goes.
Yesteryear’s trysts—bosses and secretaries, long nights at the office—now seem almost quaint, more like a Mad Men plotline.

Perhaps the only thing that hasn’t changed is that when an unsuspecting partner clicks to find an e-mail that rocks her or him to the core, the pain isn’t mitigated by the digital age.

“It felt like an out-of-body experience,” says Wendy Silver*, 33, who discovered a slew of graphic text messages between her live-in boyfriend of three years and several different women an hour before her younger sister’s engagement party.

She wasn’t even snooping. He was out golfing for the day, and when she called, his jean pocket rang—he’d left the phone behind. Because he was hosting the after-party, she wanted to be sure he hadn’t missed any messages.

“I’d never checked his phone before in my life,” she says. “I just trusted him.” After all, they’d grown up together. She’d known him since she was 14. At the time, they had been talking engagement.

Silver didn’t waste any time. When he got back home, she confronted him and told him to leave the party. He burst into tears and apologized.

“I didn’t think you would ever find out,” he said.

“A part of me wishes I hadn’t,” she admits.

Dee Sanderson, 34, author of How to Marry a Loser Without Even Trying, was a little more tech-savvy: A computer programmer by trade, she decided to bug her husband’s computer based on a bad feeling she had.

“It was a period in my marriage where it felt like something was wrong. We weren’t connecting,” she says. “I couldn’t seem to get him interested in doing anything together.”

She felt stupid installing the trace. “It will probably be nothing, and then I’ll feel bad about not trusting him,” she said. Instead she was shocked by her virtual haul.

“Lo and behold, he had three or four different e-mail accounts he’d opened, and he was trying to solicit women,” she says. “One asked him outright, ‘Are you in a relationship?’ And he said, ‘Oh, it’s nothing serious.’ That was what hurt the worst. He basically said that our marriage didn’t mean anything.”

She kicked him out—then relented, for a time.

“I started thinking, Well, he swears he never did anything….”

Indeed, high-tech infidelity creates a new gray area: If your significant other describes exactly what he’d like to do to someone else in gory detail, but he’s never actually laid a hand on her, is it cheating?

“When you’re going outside the boundaries of what you’re supposed to share, emotionally and physically, only with your partner, cheating is cheating is cheating,” says Thomas. “And it’s not just women who are the casualties.”