How To Get Rid of a Hickey

Had a hookup that left you with a love bite? Here’s our quick and easy beauty fix.

Pop a wet spoon in the freezer while you’re getting ready, recommends top makeup artist Carmindy, and gently press it to your neck when it’s nice and cool to reduce swelling. Then take a soft toothbrush, and slowly swipe from the inside to the outside of the bruise to get blood flowing again. See other wacky beauty tips that work.

Follow by gently dabbing on a creamy, thick concealer (our fave is Kevyn Aucoin Sensual Skin Enhancer, $45), a dash of translucent powder, and a scarf or turtleneck to cover the damage. Check out these tricks to look amazing on lousy days.

The Six Main Recipe Ingredients For Relationship Happiness

The Secret Is In The Recipe

Like all recipes whether it is for a pound cake or lasagna there are basic ingredients. Many of us might elect to add our own twist making them more suitable to our palate. However there are some ingredients if removed simply don’t add up to the ideal dish.

You would be hard pressed to make a great pound cake without flour or lasagna without pasta. Those are among the basic ingredients required to make those dishes.

Syntax Matters...

It’s not enough to know the ingredients of a recipe. It’s just as important to know the syntax or (order of things). When you mix ingredients in a different order you get a slightly different result. If you leave one ingredient out or add a different one you also get something else. There is always more than one way to make an entrée. Both KFC and Popeye’s serve fried chicken with completely different recipes. Naturally they both start off with chicken and flour but the spices used vary tremendously.

I believe the foundation of any happy marriage or relationship for that matter is built upon the following 6 building blocks/ingredients. These blocks could also be thought of as chain links with each coming into existence and getting stronger because of the previous one.

1. HONESTY leads to TRUST

2. TRUST leads to LOYALTY

3. LOYALTY leads to LOVE & DEVOTION

4. LOVE & DEVOTION leads to INTIMACY

5. INTIMACY leads to EMOTIONAL SECURITY

6. EMOTIONAL SECURITY leads to REAL HAPPINESS

REAL HAPPINESS is what makes life worth living!!!

Every relationship I have been in which failed I can point to at least one or more of these ingredients that were missing. Honesty is the most important building block of them all.

HONESTY

No relationship can last for long without a large measure of honesty. A relationship without honesty is equivalent to building a house on sand or without a foundation. It's not going to last. The truth will eventually come out or the liar becomes bored with making a fool out of their mate and decides to move on. Everyone is quick to say communication is the key to a happy relationship. It should be said "honest communication" is a key to a happy relationship.

TRUST

The next link in the relationship chain is trust. You can’t build trust without honesty being firmly established. Trust is based upon your mate demonstrating honesty and integrity. Trust is very similar to respect in that it should be earned overtime. It’s not something to be given away lightly. I’ve heard several people say, “I’ll trust anyone until they prove me wrong.”

This way of thinking is a dream come true for any conman!


LOYALTY

“Through thick and through thin, come hell or high water, I’ve got your back!” Simply hearing those words from a loved one can lift your spirits no matter what obstacles in life you may be facing. Knowing you have some place to land should you fall is a safety net you can’t put a price on. Loyalty evokes other words such as commitment, faithful, and trustworthy.

The exchange of wedding vows is nothing more than promising to be loyal (in sickness and good health, until death do you part…etc) in front of witnesses.

There is no loyalty without honesty and trust.


LOVE & DEVOTION

Honesty, Trust, and Loyalty are definitely the foundation of your relationship. It is now time to take the must courageous step of all, completely open your heart offering your mate all the love and devotion they can handle. Putting your heart and soul into anything is always scary and this is especially true when it comes to relationships. No matter how much you prepare there is always a risk of failure, disappointment, and heartbreak. The previous links in the chain are in a particular syntax as to minimize the heartache risk. Putting the cart before the horse can lead to learning a painful lesson.


INTIMACY

Intimacy means different things to different people but essentially its feeling emotionally connected. It’s about sharing your life with someone including your fears, hopes, and dreams in ways you don’t share with most people you know. Intimacy is also about being physically connected. Although sex and its frequency are extremely important in this regard it is also very important to be physically connected outside of the bedroom throughout the day. There is no need to be stingy with hugs, kisses, holding hands, snuggling or taking showers together from time to time in order to stay physically and emotionally connected.


EMOTIONAL SECURITY

When one thinks of the word security it means your needs are being met regardless of circumstances. It’s very similar to having auto insurance, homeowner insurance, and health insurance in the event something dire occurs. You are fully aware assistance is available to help you recover. An emotionally secure person has a support system as well as a positive outlook on life. They are able to make adjustments and keep rolling when they are thrown off track. In order to obtain emotional security it’s important to maintain a well balanced life. This would entail having family, friends, and co-workers you can lean on for support during rough times. Your spouse, mate, or partner in life should be an integral part of your support team. This is the person lying next to you each night and waking up with you each morning. They have made a commitment to walk with you side by side through life’s ups and downs. There is no person closer physically or as emotionally connected to you as your mate.

Being in an emotionally secure relationship means you feel “safe” to open up about anything without being judged or criticized for how you may be feeling. It’s impossible to have emotional security in a relationship without having the previous chain links covered earlier in this chapter. (Honesty, Trust, Loyalty, Love & Devotion and Intimacy)

Well that’s my basic recipe for relationship happiness. Feel free to spice it up and add whatever suits your taste.

Bon Appétit!

Should women be allowed to go topless?

August 22nd was National Go Topless Day.

I didn’t get the memo, but apparently a number of peeps throughout the country did. Gotopless.org is “a U.S. organization, claiming that women have the same constitutional right to be bare-chested in public places as men.” On this celebratory day, the activists called for men to cover up their chests in the name of equal rights, while women either wore red tape with an “X” across their nipples, latex nipple covers over their actual nipples (they have those?), or they just straight up let it all hang out. Protesters carried signs reading such things as "Men and Women have nipples. Why should Women hide theirs?" and "Equal Topless Rights for All or None." Yeah.


In all but a few select locations across the nation, it is illegal for women to show their nipples. A number of cases recognizing a women’s right to go topless have proved successful. In one such case in 1998, a Maine woman who chose to mow her lawn shirtless was threatened by a neighbor with legal action. But, because Maine supports the boobs, the town voters rejected the law to criminalize female breasts. Not only did they reject it, the locals showed their support by purchasing thousands of "Topfree Lawnmower's Association" t-shirts. (Still trying to find out where I can purchase one of those.)

So, we ask, is this criminalizing of female breasts warranted or should women, like men, be able to go shirtless?

Are You More In Love With Him?

Jennifer Oikle, Ph.D., relationship psychologist, dating coach, and founder of MySoulmateSolution.com, says it's common in a new relationship for one person to feel more in love than the other, while the other takes some time to catch up. But if it lasts more than three to six months, the relationship may not be destined to last.

"The way to deal is to limit the amount of contact and the depth of contact for a period of time," she says. "So, you go slow and keep your interests in other areas of your life active, say only calling a couple times of week (instead of every day), not emailing constantly, only going together for a date once during the week and once during the weekend (rather than the whole weekend…)."

She says giving into your love obsession and pursuing the man can cause him to withdraw. If you instead create space, it'll act like a magnet to draw him back. "So, you also hold back on so much showy displays of verbal and physical affection as well, or talk of feelings. Allow him to come to you. Allow him to instigate contact, affection," she says. "This will give him enough breathing room and if it’s meant to be, he’ll move towards you. If he doesn’t--he’s not the one."

Okay, so what if it's the opposite? He is smitten by you and you're getting turned off by his intensity? Dr. Jenn says it's important you set boundaries right away. "Feel free to ask for the space you need, without blaming him or putting him down or slamming the door and running away. Help him understand that’s just a part of who you are," she says. "Give it some time to see if your feelings end up growing to match his, but with time and space."
And if the unequal feelings stick around for a long time--no matter if you're the one who loves more or less? Dr. Jenn suggests you re-evaluate the relationship.

"These kinds of relationships are uncomfortable and painful for both parties- for the person who is always pursuing, feeling hurt trying to get needs met- and for the person who is always withdrawing, feeling smothered and guilty that he/she can’t give the other person what they want," she points out. "Ultimately that kind of relationship takes too much work and causes too much pain. Why not go find someone with whom it is easy and feels good most of the time!"

30 Signs You're Dating A Jerk

We've already armed you with a checklist of traits that might indicate that your boyfriend is a loser or majorly annoying, but what about that oh-so-common creature, The Egomaniac? Here are 30 signs you might be dating the ultimate narcissist in disguise.

1. He can't take an innocent joke at his expense.


2. He works in advertising, has an M.D., or is the lead singer and/or most good-looking member of a band.


3. He tells you about the assorted girls who hit on him. Or worse, the ones who looked at him and thus OBVIOUSLY wanted to hit on him.


4. He gives you a verbal resume on a first date. Even if it sounds impressive, run.


5. He begins 75 percent of sentences with I.


6. He gets irritable when you IM while he's busy at work, but doesn't think twice about bugging your ass all day long when things are "slow" for him.


7. He tells you about the extreme minutiae of his day as if it’s fascinating.


8. He complains about how uncomfortable he is because it’s hot/cold/crowded, when clearly everyone in the situation is uncomfortable.


9. He's an advocate of unprotected sex because his penis is "too big" for condoms and/or he knows how to pull out with 100 percent accuracy.


10. He likes to talk about how successful he intends to be in the future, insisting that money won't be an issue despite the fact that he has four roommates and no career to speak of.


11. He has a verbal tick which requires him to preface everything with "I feel like ..."


12. He zones out when you're talking to him because he can't be bothered to focus on anything outside himself for more than 30 seconds at a time.


13. He couches every apology for wrongdoing in a subtle justification or excuse for his behavior. Ex: "I'm sorry I walked out on you in the middle of that movie the other night. I was really frustrated and upset. I just couldn't sit through it."


14. He fixates on how he's perceived by your friends and family, whether they like him, what they say about him, what they think of him.


15. He obsesses over decisions related to his appearance, like how many centimeters to take off at his next haircut.


16. He makes someone else record his voicemail message, so it seems he's more important than he is.


17. He's obsessed with making his XBox avatar look exactly like him.


18. He updates his Facebook status more than once a day.


19. He refers to everyone as "lil' b---- ."


20. He refers to himself in the third person.


21. He really doesn't think waiting for a table at a restaurant is something someone like him should have to do.


22. He really wants to be famous. For something. He's just not sure what. But something.


23. He brags about how much money he makes, or even worse, will make someday if he stays on his career track.


24. He's determined to please you in bed, but mainly because he doesn't want to ruin his record of "always making a girl come."


25. If you make suggestions about how he could be better in bed, he twists around the problem to be your fault — you're too uptight, not relaxed enough; you must not like sex; you must have intimacy issues, etc.


26. He is concerned about how your funky outfit/makeup/etc. will reflect on him in front of his more conservative friends or parents.


27. He fishes for info on how much money your ex boyfriends made.


28. He talks about himself in superlatives, like "I'm the smartest guy you'll ever date" or "My boss says I'm the best employee he's ever had in his whole life."


29. He asks you, point blank, if he's the best you've ever slept with.


30. He's too busy to help you move but still wants you to come watch his poetry slam.

Perfect Date Tips For Amazing Sex and Healing

The shared pleasure of a sumptuous meal is a lovely way to unite two loving souls. But if you also want to unite sexually, eat early and take two hours to digest before making love.

1.) Try an early dinner and make your date a dessert date. A light dessert (as opposed to something large and sinfully rich) is a fun way to share something sensuous.

2.) Or, make love before dinner. Instead of using the intimacy of a meal to bring you together, why not work up an appetite with a delicious intimate encounter?

3.) If you drink alcohol on your date, keep it moderate. Alcohol can be a sexual asset if one of you is nervous or shy, but drinking can also inhibit sexual function by sedating your nervous system.

4.) Be careful about your after-dinner coffee. If you need caffeine to jump start lovemaking, don’t drink so much that you won’t be able to sleep afterward.

5.) The room you make love in should be cozy and warm. If your feet are chilled, it may take more genital stimulation to warm them up.

Types of Breakups Ranked by Recovery Time

Which element of a breakup dictates recovery time more: the type of breakup, or the person you broke up with? My theory is the type of breakup you experience determines how long it takes to get over it more than the actual person.

Here are 7 different types of breakups ranked by shortest recovery time to longest recovery time:

7. The Mutual Breakup

This is as peaceful a breakup as you can have, like when the entire family agrees it's time to pull the plug on grandpa's respirator: he is freed of his misery, and the family feels a sense of relief. I've never had a mutual breakup. I can't catch that lightning in a bottle. But it can't be that tough to recover from a mutual breakup and get back out in the dating scene again.

6. The Circumstantial Breakup

A cousin of the mutual breakup, the circumstantial breakup occurs when the environment around you won't permit the relationship to continue: my parents hate you, you're in Cali and I'm in NY (or even, you're one town over), I need to be single for a while, etc. Recovery time is shortened because the other person offers an excuse that takes the focus off your weaknesses or unattractive qualities that could have caused a breakup.

5. The Ultimatum Breakup

The most common ultimatum leading to a breakup is: "ask me to marry you within the next year of I'm out of here." Other conflicts could cause ultimatums as well: change your religion, get rid of that stupid old car, etc. Ultimatum breakups can be tough to get over because it's annoying that a little compromise could have prevented it. But once it's over, that pressure from the stalemate you reached in the relationship is gone, so it's quite a relief.

4. The Something Someone Said Breakup

My friend broke up with his girlfriend he was dating for years, and he mentioned a conversation that occurred shortly before they broke up. They were discussing wedding rings, and she asked how much he'd spend. He simply hasn't studied the "market" so he threw a number out there: "I don't know, $5,000." She scoffed and said: "You should spend no less than $20,000."

He told me after she said that, he couldn't think of her the same way anymore. In fact, it put a figurative "X" over her image in his eyes. They eventually broke up, and this conversation was the springboard. This type of breakup is painful because you wish you could take something you said or did back.

3. The I've Been Cheating

Whether you find out from them or some other way, it's the ultimate betrayal when they are cheating on you. You can get over it because you dismiss this person as a cheating jerk, but you still feel stupid and you might spend several months envisioning the cheating or trying to regain faith in the opposite gender.

2. The First Love Breakup

The First Love breakup is one of the toughest to overcome. Some say you never get over it. This breakup teaches us that the world is a bigger place than we thought. There are more people to meet, there are bills to pay, there are places to go. Things just can't stay the same as they once were.

Mine hit me when I got to college and my girlfirend stayed behind in high school. Eventually, we had to move on. The first love breakup is hurts so much because you've never experienced this feeling of loss and disappointment before. And, it's part of growing up and growing up is usually a painful process.

1. The Blind Side

My friend recently blind sided his ex. After she cried for an hour, he decided he had put in enough time and he left. This is traumatic because it comes out of nowhere. The blind sider may have been thinking about it for months, and they conceal their intentions, then drop the bomb while everything seems to be going well. In fact, the couple may have spent time together the night before, but the blind sider did so out of obligation.

Blind Sides chip away at your ability to trust. If someone can break up with you when things seem to be going so well, you'll have a tough time avoiding paranoia and trusting your new partners.